What if my child refuses to see the other parent?

One of the most challenging issues separated parents face is when a child refuses, or expresses a strong reluctance, to spend time with the other parent. Parents often ask whether they are required to make their child attend visits, or whether a child is old enough to decide for themselves.

The answer depends on the circumstances. While a child's views are important, children do not generally have the legal right to decide whether they will spend time with a parent. Parents remain responsible for making decisions in the child's best interests and supporting the child's relationship with the other parent, where it is safe to do so.

Why is the child refusing?

When a child refuses to spend time with a parent, the Court will consider the reasons behind that refusal.

In some cases, the refusal may be based on genuine concerns, including:

• Family violence or abuse;
• Exposure to inappropriate behaviour;
• Drug or alcohol misuse; or
• The child feeling unsafe or distressed in the parent's care.

Where genuine risks exist, the Court may consider whether changes to parenting arrangements are necessary to protect the child.

However, a child's refusal does not automatically mean that spending time with the other parent is harmful. Children may resist spending time with a parent for other reasons, including difficulty adjusting to separation, loyalty conflicts, wanting to remain with their primary carer, or being influenced by the views or behaviour of a parent.

Can a child decide they do not want to see a parent?

There is no specific age at which a child can decide where they live or whether they spend time with a parent.

The Court must consider the child's views as part of determining what arrangements are in the child's best interests. The weight given to those views will depend on factors including:

• The child's age and maturity;
• The reasons for the child's views;
• Whether the views appear to be independently held; and
• The child's understanding of the circumstances.

A child's wishes are therefore important, but they are only one factor considered by the Court.

The importance of supporting the child's relationship with both parents

Unless there are genuine safety concerns, parents are expected to encourage and support their child's relationship with the other parent.

Parents should avoid placing children in the middle of adult disputes or making children feel they must choose between parents. This includes avoiding negative comments about the other parent, questioning children about the other parent, or encouraging a child to reject the other parent.

The Court recognises that children generally benefit from having meaningful relationships with both parents where appropriate.

What if my child continues to refuse?

A parent is not expected to physically force a child to spend time with the other parent. However, a parent is expected to take reasonable steps to encourage the relationship.

This may include:

• Speaking positively about the other parent;
• Encouraging communication;
• Supporting changeovers;
• Obtaining counselling or professional assistance; and
• Attempting to understand and address the child's concerns.

If a child's refusal continues, it may be necessary to seek legal advice or professional assistance to determine the appropriate next steps.

This article is general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Every matter is different — speak with one of our family lawyers about your specific circumstances.

← Back to Family Law Explained